So yesterday morning I was scrolling through Instagram feeling kinda meh about my dating life, you know how it is. Saw this flashy post screaming “TAURUS SINGLES LOVE UPDATE” with all these sparkly emojis. Figured why not, clicked it open.
What The Stars Said
The horoscope insisted something big was coming for us single Taureans this month. Like literally used the words “surprising romantic opportunity” and “stay open-minded.” Kinda vague but made me sit up straighter on my couch. They claimed the universe would drop clues through unexpected encounters or old flames popping up. I actually snorted at that last part – my ex blocked me everywhere after the cactus incident.
My “Stay Open” Experiment
Okay so here’s what I actually did:
- Tuesday: Swiped right on 3 guys wearing cowboy hats on Tinder (I live in Brooklyn??) Just to be “open” like the horoscope said. Got zero matches.
- Wednesday: Went to that bougie coffee shop instead of my regular spot. Made awkward eye contact with a barista when he misspelled “Deborah” as “Dinosaur” on my cup. Definitely not a meet-cute.
- Thursday: Actually texted my college friend Mark who I haven’t seen since 2019. We got bubble tea and he spent 40 minutes explaining his cryptocurrency losses. Zero sparks.
The Grand Revelation
Friday rolls around and I’m waiting for the subway. This dude drops his metro card right by my feet. I grab it, he turns around – and bam! It’s Jacob, that guy from my yoga class who ghosted me in March. We both freeze like deer in headlights. He mumbles “thanks” and practically runs down the stairs. That was the “surprising romantic opportunity” apparently. Cosmic joke.
Honestly? These predictions work like bad GPS directions. That horoscope got me doing weird stuff all week for literally nothing. Maybe next time I’ll just chill on my couch with wine instead of chasing zodiac fantasies. Still single, still Taurus, still waiting for the universe to get its act together.
